hatred?

i have been in a roller coaster ride ever since i came here....things are really so unexpected here...do not see things that started off happy to continue giving u happiness...stupid as it is...i see things so positively before i came....even when the first blast that totaly devasted me in the first week of stepping into this place of horror..i was still trying to be strong..sadly..it turn out that there is never a fun joyful ride for me wherever i go even when i try to be positive...i am seriously doubting myself that i have been cursed or somesort cause whenever i turn around to see the lives of people surrounding me...its never as challenging as mine does...count me for finding reason to blame others for the series of misfortunes i had gone through...but i really do feel that in some way ..i am on the right side. however..in the eyes of SOME @#$%^&...i never do....to these people..i am somebody who's rude,impolite,arrogant,snobbish,irresponsible..ETC.
the truth is...yes..i do treat people like that....but are YOU worthy enough to gain MY respect? do you respect me in the first place? if you were to respect me from the very begining, will i be so negative to you? do u not judge me by listening to others! PLS...i beg...open your freaking sh*t covered EYES big BIG to see for yourself!!! i am no saint. i am just a normal freaking girl who has her own stand and feelings to care for. just because YOU did not see me doing the so-called-GOOD things does not mean that i am NOT GOOD.RUDE.or watsoeva!the things that you are doing is killing me.pushing me into depressioni do not know how long i can withstand the pressure. or can i PLS noe if u will be HAPPY if ever i were to go CRAZY??? huh??? DAMNIT!!!!!


well....the above part was written when i was reli *pissed*....
right now...its two days since the first incident....
i am calmer now.
i admit..i am still childish...for a 21 year old.
things will change when i am back in penang..i hope.....
got back home.had a long talk with my parents.they make me realize things that i have not realized before...thanks mum & dad.
may God's mercy & grace guide me through the long journey ahead of me....
i will not let people around me worry about me.....


p/s : to those who were beside me..u noe who u r...thanks alot! i will never forget it....^^ god bless ya all! *hugs*